How Do I know Who My Daughter Will Be?

How Do I Know Who My Daughter Will Be?

In the last nine months I have been reflecting a lot on how I got to this point.

There are things I like about who I am and things I dislike – I imagine you feel the same about who you are.

This mini retirement has allowed me to spend more time with my Daughter.

In the coming years time I will remember how these moments were full of love, laughter and a closeness that did not exist before.

As I watch Charlotte play in the park I wonder about who my Daughter will be and the type of woman she will be as an adult.

I know I have a huge part to play in this. The values I instill in her today will have a profound effect on who she will be in later life.

I want this to be a record of the lessons, ideas and thoughts I will share with her now and as she gets older. It will also be a timely reminder, in the future, of how we are both doing.

I’m not sure how long this list is going to run to, I’m just going to free write and see what happens.

Stay with me!

A to T


It happens so aim to channel it positively. If you are going to get angry mix it with passion and make a dint in the world. Make things happen.

Be Creative

Arts, cooking, reading – whatever. Expand your mind and soak up as much as you can

Be Kind 

Look after others and do it because you want to, not to receive something in return – although this will happen.


A well placed ‘How are you doing/feeling?’ might be one of the most important questions you can ask.


You always have a choice. You can decide what is right for you. Always ask ‘What are my options?’ Feel comfortable saying no. Understand the impact of saying yes. 


Focus on learning about the things you are passionate about. I hope you inherit my love of reading and develop new thoughts and ideas. University is not mandatory.


Possessions rarely make us happy. Experiences and connections with other people are memorable and make us smile.


It is never as bad as you think and there will always be people there to pick you up, including me.


You will be the average of your five closest friends. Sometimes we can’t help who we become friends with. Sometimes we can.

Hard Work  

Know that work ethic will open more doors than any gift or talent you may be lucky enough to own.


If it feels wrong then it will be – call it out. Don’t allow peer pressure to guide you. Be independent, strong and confident because of this.


If you see, hear or feel something unfair then speak up. It does not matter if it relates to you or to someone else. Do something about it.


Never be the smartest person in the room, Find out who is and something.


Aim to do this several times a day. This becomes more important the older you get. We are too serious and we miss the opportunity to laugh – especially at ourselves.


Making mistakes is fine, in fact they are vital in helping us learn. Just don’t keep making the same mistake over and over again.


Everyone needs money but don’t see it as a means to an end. Find something you love, something you are passionate about and the money will follow.


Open your mind and experience other cultures and ways of thinking.


Search for the opportunity to learn about views opposite to your own. Understand that your view is not the only view and how conflict can be healthy.


You will think about saying sorry and resist it. Don’t. Say sorry as soon as the thought enters your head. Trust me, it will save a lot of time and pain.


No one has the right to tell you how you should feel or think. Respect your own mind, thoughts and feelings. No everyone will agree with you. This is fine.


The person you are and the life you lead are your responsibility. Period. Nobody owes you anything. Don’t blame others.


You will feel hurt and wonder why. The pain will pass and something positive will happen, when you least expect it.


Open your mind and experience other cultures and ways of thinking.

Twenty Years Time

I know this list will grow and I will add to it, over the years.

You can be whoever you choose and you can achieve any goal.

Just promise me one thing.

In twenty years time we can still eat BBQ and watch movies together?


Believe and Take Action

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Ian Ruane

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